Proctor & Gamble Announces Swiffer Home Detox Kit.....

Cincinnati, OH- Proctor & Gamble, the multinational consumer goods company behind the popular Swiffer brand, has announced the addition of an easy to use home body cleansing kit to the line of cleaning products.

Customer Lurninda Conrad was unable to turn 90 degrees prior to cleansing her innards with the Swiffer Bissel Steamboost enema attachment.

"We've spent the past one hundred and seventy seven years focused on producing the best cleaning and personal care products on the market," Proctor & Gamble Chairman, President, and CEO Alan George Lafley explained. "And with our new Bissel Steamboost enema attachment and full body detox pads, Swiffer will truly give cleaning a whole new meaning!"

Just like your kitchen floor can become caked with grime and mud, your colon can hold up to fifteen pounds of undigested waste according to the expert that returned my calls, like Doctor of Household Naturopathy Mort Fishman. "We live in a toxic world full of scary chemicals and even scarier foods, like genetically modified electromagnetic gluten. Now my patients don't need to live in fear of leaving their house without wearing one of my specially designed hats."